Feedback.

The year was 2001. I’d been out of college for five years. I was working at a Chicago law firm. I had an overabundance of ambition. And I didn’t realize it until someone pointed it out.

A respected leader at the firm gave me feedback. “Don’t let a deadline damage a relationship.”  The advice was masterful in its specificity and simplicity. But I was a project manager! I mean, what was more important than the project outcome? Oh, if I’d have known then what I know now…

Years later I took a leadership assessment which reiterated my bias toward action and forced me to again examine this trait. My natural state was not balanced at all. I was very surprised. My coach, Dr. Jerry Hannah, wasn't. He smiled knowingly at my results. Geesh, I thought I'd addressed this trait by toning it down. Ha!

Another mentor of mine coached me regularly on techniques to adjust my energy and approach based on the situation and people involved. Larry Smith pointed out that my natural tendency is to lean forward when listening. “Be careful of this, Dawn, you’ll scare some people if you do that. They’ll wonder if you’re going to jump across the table at them. Match their energy level and go up one notch. One notch - not 100.”

You should have seen me in meetings while practicing this. I'd be leaning back with my arms crossed. I worked hard at it. Why? It was needed to successfully build relationships with people to transform organizations. Stellar guidance. I listened.

Heather Miller knew I was a processor and often needed time to think through things before making recommendations. She also knew that meetings could feel incomplete when the leader didn’t share much. She taught me to set clear expectations at the beginning of meetings. Her feedback increased my self awareness and improved my effectiveness. Thanks for the great steer, Heather Miller!

Geoff Helt encouraged my big thinking and risk taking and quick decision making when I was inside organizations and continues to dare me to push the limits as a business owner. Beware -- comfort zones are deceiving places. Thanks, Geoff!

Feedback on consulting came from my friend Jenny Haile. We were working together on a client project and she encouraged me to focus first on excellence and then on having the relationships needed to be effective. It was a subtle shift from corporate America where I was working so hard not to jeopardize relationships for deadlines or jump over tables at people! If clients liked the recommendations, great, but that wasn't our mission. Our mission was to share the best advice and recommendations we knew for their project to be successful. This was an important shift in the nuances between contexts (employee or consultant) and I willingly made the shift.

Here’s what I’ve learned about feedback. It’s a gift, but sometimes a gift that expires. Ask for feedback frequently and when you get it pay attention. Try it in the context and situation it was given. Continue to use if it helps you grow or helps others understand you. And, revisit feedback, too, to see where it still makes sense and where it doesn’t. Don’t label yourself or limit your beliefs because of some feedback that no longer fits you or the context.

Today, others tell me that they are drawn to me because of my energy and passion. I'll gladly accept the feedback. Energy and passion are traits I'm honored to fulfill. And don't worry, I haven't been able to shake my bias toward action and results. Clients like that, too.